1st October 2011

A day left in Miri where I'll be going to an oil palm mill to work. Yes, I'm hired but it's not permanent since it's a 6 months probation.

So, I won't be able to online or do whatsoever on my laptop other than watching movies that I've downloaded. A mixed feeling really, at once I'm feeling excited going but I'm nervous in a way too because it's been a year since I've graduated and not dealing with engineering work since.

It'll be a challenge for me and hopefully I can do what I can or know. Dealing with people is another thing.

So yeah, at least it's a new start now with the hope of liking the job and the people there. My heart tells me otherwise. Anyway, I'll do what I can.

It's 2 hours drive from Miri town, so it's quite a far into the jungle area. Well, probably not a jungle but a flat plantation. Maybe I'll be back every weekend, which I hope it will be. Hah~

Even if this blog is dead, at least I'm updating it before it really goes dead forever now. Who knows I'll be blogging back again during the weekends. Maybe not so often though.

May God lead me through this job of mine. =)

I envy people with happy family. That happiness, it's almost transparent for me now. I never seen any of it since I was a kid. Yes, there are times that things going good.

But it doesn't last long. Every single month, it always happens. Till now, it still happens.

How I always wish I would have a proper family.

Now, when things happened I'm to be blamed. And it will always be me.

Help wasn't being appreciated. No one listens to me as if I'm transparent. I'm the bad guy now. And, my bad temper is back.

Facing cell group members or the church, it's almost fake as if I'm happy. But inside, nothing.

However I wished, it would become worst day by day.

It has been a while now. Sometimes things aren't seem good, sometimes it's a blessing. It has been 2 weeks and I'm started to think what is the point to come back.

Somehow, when I looked at myself I was like, What? I just did that? In a way, things are not easy at the moment. Trying to help out, but things are rather complicated. Am I selfish?

Seeing myself on the road, it's like I'm getting worst and worst day by day. Can I even have a peace at heart for a while so that I don't think and worried too much?

God spoken through my friends tonight and it struck me. I don't know how I felt honestly, but I know if I don't change now and forever be this way no one would ever look on to you for help since I can't help myself now.

Anyway, it's something that I need to release telling it out. Still, a question pop out from a cell group member. What's you plan tomorrow? Next month? These are the things that I need to know. Otherwise, I'll be in a wrong direction.

Or should I wait for God's answer? Sigh...

Oh Lord, work into my life. I'm still clueless of the things I did and for the things I wanted to do.

T_T

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Is it me or is it the hit counter shoot up till 99,236??!!

Scary!

Wah!!

Few months passed and I don't remember how long I've not been updating my blog. It's dead! =.=

Anyway, thing have been just okay in Miri. Joined new church and still getting to know the people. As usual, I don't talk very well. Not face to face though. Haha...

KaiSeng, wanted me to update to I'll be updating a little bit. Cause nothing really happen in my life since I came back here.

Church was okay for now. Have been joining the cell group and trying to get to know more of the people. The church member are very friendly to me and I'm surprised that for the churches I've been, this is the best so far. Of course, I'm not judging about the other church of being not good. I'm just saying it's suitable for me. :)

Chinese New Year was awesome. Been spending a lot times together with my family since my sister is back together for reunion dinner. Lots of laughter and joke all around.

Jobs? I haven't really start to apply yet cause there's still things that I might need to settle. Some people might know about this. But, some don't know. So it's complicated. xD

I'm going to try to apply for one of the oil and gas company in Miri since one of my church member is in the company asking me to write-in. So, I hope my poor results doesn't scare them away. Haha~

Well, that's all I suppose. Anything interesting I will try to update more.

God bless everyone. ^.^

Didn't really update my blog so much lately. Just that my life has been just boring. Nothing much is happening. Everything is just the same routine all the time.

Getting back to Miri is like sleeping. When you started to get comfortable, you don't feel like waking up to do something different. You'll just lay down on the bed, slacking.

Usually, I would get homesickness when I'm staying in KL. But I've found the life that I wanted there. I miss being there with friends.

Now, when I'm back in Miri I just don't feel like staying here. When you're somewhere out there but not in your own home, your parents would nag everyday on asking you to come back home. Then again, once you're back home, they also nag nonstop since they are talking in front of you.

I was like, what is this? I don't come back, you kept nagging asking me to come back. Now when I'm back home, you kept on nagging also. =.="

But all is fine, and I know it's for my own good. Parents do nag, and when you become a parent you will nag towards your children too. xD

Somehow, I just don't see the point of coming back in Miri other than seeing my parents. Even coming back here, I have to think about the personal problem in the family that I'm facing. Whatever happens, it will just make me feel miserable. Emo!

Things happened, and I asked my friend about this. Why do I have this kind of problem? It's not about once or twice, but for my whole life. But my friend told me this, "Count your blessings!".

One thing I'm happy of is, I get to meet up my old friends. Talk nonstop together and laughter. This is one blessing, this should be enough for now. In this life, be grateful and whatever happens it would be just a temporary matter.

Another thing is, about the church. Somehow, I'm not that happy about it. Just felt left out by the church members. My teacher, who is also the church member told me that everyone thought that I'm from KL. =.=

But of course, one of my biggest disadvantage is not being initiative enough to communicate. Recently, I've kept everything to myself. Somehow, my heart was 'closed'. I'm not that happy. But of course, I'm still in need of God's guidance.

Whatever happens for the days to come, I hope I'm able to go through it. With God's grace, I'm sure everything will be okay.

May God bless everyone! Make your life full of joy! Christmas is coming and let's celebrate the birth of Our Lord Jesus Christ!

Lastly, I miss speaking in English. xD

Had a chat with friends tonight. Felt that I'm back in KL. xD

Really missed the time in KL though.

Today after Sunday service, I went for refreshment and had a fellowship together with new people. Honestly, I don't really felt at ease yet. I'm still trying to adapt.

And it's also the first time after a month, the Pastor came talking to me. :)

He intro to me a group leader of a cell group and exchanging numbers together. Still, in the church now I only know 3 to 4 people other than my teacher and her son.

Let see how it goes for the month to come.

Job hunting has currently stopped and I'm still looking forward to return back to KL. Had just applied for Shell this afternoon. Just trying my luck on it for now. :)

God bless everyone. :)